I never update this thing anymore

I do update my facebook and my deviantart for sure though. So if you want to find me, the links to the right will have a high success rate. That's all <3

OCTOBER

<3<3 OCTOBER! <3<3

The night is falling, thank God

So I haven't updated in a while. I think I might start up again around Autumn time, so I still have a couple of weeks to think on it.



Life is good. <3

9 MONTHS

It's been 9 months...

And the relationship baby is BORN!

ps: please don't shake it Michael.
pps: hah hah hah

xxooxxoxx

I love you Michael <3

the archive

Ohmygoddddd

I almost killed myself yesterday going over old journal entries. Yesterday made me aware that I made WAY too many blogs over the years. At least 10, maybe more that I’ve forgotten.
Sheeeeeesh. I looked at from the first blog entry I made, ever, in 2003- all the way to the end of 2007. Anything I thought was significant or something I could look back on and learn from- I posted.

With this in mind: my efforts are of no use to anyone but me. ;___;

Michael came over a little earlier than usual from practice last night, which was nice, but we didn’t really have anything to do so we ended up sitting around for the most part. Ohwell~ Any time with Michael is well spent time to me!

Steph’s back for the weekend, so I’m going to hang out with her today!! :D <3<3


And… that’s about it.

tasha

don't look for me, I'll get ahead

I’ve been listening to a lot of Peggy Lee and Billie Holiday the past couple of days, it’s really pleasant. Peggy Lee’s voice is so quaint, with never too much or too less range, with just a little bit of a purr, and soft vibrato, never too overbearing, and yet noticeably there. I can’t get enough of it, the music is so quirky and sweet, like citrus.

Today, Michael and I were watching Law and Order after school, and I fell asleep for a little while behind his back hugging on him. Was he playing on his gameboy or watching CHARMED during that time?… Nobody knows. Hah hah~
I miss Michael…it won’t be until late on Saturday when I see him next. Bah. But, I’m glad for the time I got to spend with him today. And, now that swim practice is up, I get a lot of Michael in my weekdays, so it’s lovely. We haven’t quite gotten sick of each other yet since we started dating, so all the time I get to spend with him is very appreciated <3


Really, when it gets right down to it, I didn’t do too much these past couple of days but rest. I’m probably not doing too much this weekend either, I don’t have too much homework, so probably my RWB for ap art, and I really want to work on the piano sometime too.

Honestly, I’m feeling much better today than I had for most of this week. Sometimes I felt like I was going to be okay, sometimes I felt miserable, like I wanted to crawl in bed and cry.

Thank goodness for Michael… He always knows how to make me feel loved and knows how to make me smile, no matter how mentally exhausted I am. <3

cainotophobia

Because I scanned/took pictures of them, I'd like to show off some of the work I've done in my AP portfolio class~

First one, Cainotophobia: the fear of newness.

This one isn't totally completed yet, so suggestions/criticism is very appreciated









The second one, Seplophobia

finished












The third one, apeirophobia

Constructive criticism/suggestions are also appreciated on this one, because it's not totally done yet

let's do it

EDIT:

BOO -my right wrist is KILLING me. This sucks so much.. I have to work on prints tomorrow! How am I gonna carve? Knit? Even just writing is hard... I have something to add support to my wrist on right now but it will only do so much. I hope my wrist feels better by tomorrow! No more knitting for me today... And all of the stuff I wrote at the bottom of this blog got deleted somehow AGAIN.

here's a summary of it: I slept a lot today and I miss Michael.

END EDIT.



1. Would you prefer to be kissed under the mistletoe or in the falling snow?
Mistletoe- because I doubt we’ll be having snow in Norcross this year

2. Who do you want to kiss you this Christmas?
YOU KNOW WHO. :> <3<3<3<3>

3. Santa or Rudolph?
I dunno. Aren’t they like sort of like a 2 for 1 deal?

4. Stocking or presents?
In general? Either is nice.

Inside joke? STOCKING! :P

5. Egg nog or hot cider?
Bothhhh but I like cider a lot :>

6. Angel or star?
Star :D <3>

7. Decorating the tree, or putting lights on the outside?
Both! I like coloured lights on the inside and white ones on the outside :D

8. Warm cozy fires or sleigh rides?
Both, preferably with someone I like <3

9. Family time or friend time?
Both, of course!

10. Expensive presents or presents that come from the heart?
The heart. You can buy anyone a bunch of expensive crap.

11. Snow ball fight or snowman?
Both, but it’s a lot more likely to have a snowball fight

12. Coal or present?
Oh the irony of being an artist. Both. I could use some charcoal ._.

13. Do you open presents quick or slow?
Slow- I hate ripping up the wrapping paper if it’s pretty ‘_’

14. Diamonds?
Yuck. Expensive and I'd never wear it so no way.

15. Caroling or christmas stories?
Neither- if it means I have to stand out in the cold.

16. Snowy days or ice days?
What kind of question is that? Ice is useless. SNOW!

17. Red or Green?
Both :D They’re my colours!

18. Best christmas present recieved?
I haven’t gotten it yet- but I’m getting it this year. Look back to question 4

19. Whats the number one thing you want for christmas?
1) Michael
1.5) Jurassic Park on dvd

20. If someone that liked you and you like got you something, what would you do?
Give them lots of xx and oo’s. <3<3<3

21. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Nope ;_; I dunno if I’ve ever been around a real mistletoe >_>;;

22. Do you send thank you notes?
Nope ‘_’ I tell people in person.

23. Do you still wake your parents up early to open your present?
We usually are up around 8 or 9, which is unheard of at my house

24. Whats your favorite thing about the cold weather?
Curling up w/ my babyboy. <3

you give me miles and miles of mountains...

So, I'm really not too excited. My face is the most swollen today, and it hurts the most. I haven't taken any painkillers in hours but I don't really want to take any more of them... I don't like how they make me feel, I hate being dizzy...
Michael and I got in a little argument that really wasn't that serious, but I didn't feel good already anyway so I told him I was getting off the computer and I got into bed..

And then my mother came in and handed me a letter from the District Attorney's office.

I've been subpoenaed.

Michael came over and was a comfort for almost all the afternoon, and I'm so thankful for that... When he's around, I can get my head straight. Alone, I'm really not strong enough to face it... It takes me days to cope with it if I'm alone...


I honestly don't want to go to the trial, I wish I had never been in that armed robbery, nobody wants to be in an armed robbery... But now the state wants me to go and testify. I'm scared that I'll freak out and cry in the middle of it all... I'm scared that I won't know what to say, or that I'll do something wrong... I want these guys to go to jail- they don't need to be on the streets... But it's scary...

Making sure they get to jail is on the shoulders of their victims, including myself, now.


I don't want this responsibility. Thank you, Michael, for helping me accept it, and helping me grow stronger with it.

Whatever the thing that set you up

Today I was feeling crappy in the afternoon so I fell asleep, and had a dream about a little town build on a hill. There was one two way dirt road through the town, and everyone in the town was outside talking to one another. It had snowed, the skies were bright, clear and blue... and the snow was sticking. Everyone was drinking warm drinks and smiling... And then Michael walked up to me, gave a little grin, and he hugged me.
It really was a beautiful dream...

I think I'm running a fever... I know I'm not all that sick right now, just upset. I've been a little upset all week and it's distressing because each day it gets worse. I wish I could cope, I wish my body could physically let me, but I know that it will take time before I'll be totally normal. I may never be, but maybe someday I will be able to cope better. PTSD is really a lousy thing to have...

Michael always helps, but right now he's somewhere else. I hope he comes back soon. <3

ps:

At any give time, the rest of my scanned+finished art can be found on my deviantArt site:

here!

Anyway, I'm glad I fixed one of these up. It seems like a good time to start keeping some sort of journal or diary. Senior year is about to start, I'm debating about what all I need to do for my portfolio... I need to start looking at colleges too...

It's all sort of a fun exciting young time of life :> <3 Michael and I are going to hang out soon, so I have to finish getting ready. soooooo TAH!

current soundtrack: the dillenger escape plan+fiona apple